13. Dezember

Today’s post has been super emotional for me, and there are countless versions of the reading, that I did and abandoned, until I finally settled on this one.

In that last dance of chances
In diesem letzten Reigen der Möglichkeiten
I shall partner you no more.
Werde ich nicht mehr dein Partner sein.
I shall watch another turn you
Ich werde zusehen, wie jemand anderes dich umherwirbelt
As you move across the floor.
Während du dich über das Parkett bewegst

In that last dance of chances
In diesem letzten Reigen der Möglichkeiten
When I bid your life goodbye
Wenn ich dir Lebewohl sage
I will hope she treats you kindly.
Hoffe ich, dass sie gut zu dir ist
I will hope you learn to fly.
Ich hoffe, du wirst fliegen lernen.

In that last dance of chances
In diesem letzten Reigen der Möglichkeiten
When I know you'll not be mine
Wenn ich weiss, dass du nicht zu mir gehören wirst
I will let you go with longing
Werde ich dich voll Sehnsucht ziehen lassen
And the hope that you'll be fine.
Und voll Hoffnung, dass es dir gut ergehen wird.

In that last dance of chances
In diesem letzten Reigen der Möglichkeiten
We shall know each other's minds.
Kennen wir die Gedankengänge voneinander
We shall part with our regrets
Lass uns unseren Kummer und unsere Reue hinter uns lassen
When the tie no longer binds.
Da die Verbindung nicht länger hält.

The book, and this poem in particular, tugged at my heart strings.

Also, there is an incredibly long back-story. Starting with how I learned about this book (series) (in a tram, reading over someone’s shoulder, then trying to glean the title and only catching the intial letters „Der A… des A…“. Combined with the rather peculiar names, I was immediately able to identify the book about 2-3 years later, when I encountered it in the public library. I was about 15 to 17 years old at that time. I borrowed it. It was the first book that moved me to tears. That was „Der Adept des Assassinen“ or „The Assassin’s Apprentice“. The first of a trilogy. „Fool’s Fate“ is actually the third book in a sequential trilogy, following the same characters. The first book of that sequential trilogy, „Fool’s Errand“, I encountered in an Irish second hand book store (I always visit those when hiking…). Even though already carrying around 18-20kg (+/- those 3L of water and food) of luggage (incl. tent, sleeping bag, etc.), I let it accompany me on my trek. And finally, this leads us here.

Robin Hobb’s books captivate you. They resonated with me particularly because of several points (1) the main character is something of an outsider (I have long since accepted that I am somewhat odd and different – actually, I enjoy my uniqueness 🙂 ), (2) there is a lot of thoroughly thought-out psychology and intelligent conversations, (3) close relationships between humans and animals are a key point of the storyline, (4) to this day, there are countless images and scenes, evoked by the books, that I can recall and enjoy to revisit, (5) (I didn’t realise this in 2003, but it is interesting:) there is a gender fluid(?) character – or at least the sex and/or gender of that character are never definitively determined. There are only clues and assumptions made by the different characters. I never minded while reading, but it did leave you wondering…

For the longest time, I assumed the books were written by a man, while simultaneously being amazed at the attention that was being paid to emotional nuance. Only a long time later did I learn that the author was actually a lady.

A couple of equally emotional paintings by me: